September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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