when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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