I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
