we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
