Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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