plz talk dirty to me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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