i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
