So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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