me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
