THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
