just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
