omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
