Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
