Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well I just put wine in my tea
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
