fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
