come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
