I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
