Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
