drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
