youre lurking in front of me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
