he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
