Do you still have your period?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
