thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
