Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize
