I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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