at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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