John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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