your parents love me but you hate me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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