Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
