: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
