No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
