I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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