I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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