***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
