Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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