i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
