dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm passing your future prison.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
