I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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