Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
