umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
