She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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