so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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