I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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