are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
