If that was your dad, he is hot
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
