just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
