I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
