I think my vagina is haunted
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
