Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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