cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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